What Now? – 12/16/15

Movies and TV shows used to be enough to entertain me. At the very least, they had the power to take my mind off of something unpleasant and put it on another story, another world, another reality. Then little by little the comedies stopped being funny. The action/thrillers ceased to grip my attention. The dramas became like watching a fraudulent group of aliens pretending to be what they think it would be like to be human. In other words…the magic ended. The wizard was only a little mustachioed man behind a curtain pulling levers, the inspiring characters who poured life and energy into each endeavor and sentence spoken creating the suction I used to feel when “losing myself” and getting “caught up” in the fantasy and story; it all becomes more and more distant and rarer with each passing year. The reactions of the poor victims to devastating natural disasters, death and destruction became those of wealthy actors who seemed to know all along that what they are running from and screaming about in fear and loss was never actually going to happen in “real life.”. .never COULD happen. What used to be a fantastic escape from the stresses of average, daily life now feels like a two-hour wait for my mind to start working again. The thrill is gone. So what now?

I’ve always been a seeker. As far back as I can remember, I’ve been looking and searching for something to make this life make more sense. To be more fulfilling and…well, magic. Whether it be true love, adventure, mystical wonder into things unknown, my search was never over, as close as I ever came to stumbling upon even one of these things. I have crossed the country seeking. I have driven thousands of miles and spent more thousands of dollars following nothing but intuition. Looking for that magic that I can imagine, but cannot seem to grasp. Nearly everything else in this world becomes secondary to that search. Movies used to be good enough to supplement my hungry mind and thirsty soul for the period of time between travels, but what now?

Is it possible that life has lost its enchantment? Could it be that I will no longer feel the clenching fist of emotion in my sternum? That hollow vacuum that forms when one falls in love and is then torn away by none other than the wheel of time and circumstance…? The tingling buzz of adrenaline and cosmic magnetism one feels when in the “right place” at the “right time.” The feeling of standing on the very axis of the entire universe where everything else keeps spinning but at the center it feels like slow motion or even stopping completely. Every thing, every person, every cloud, bird, car, wave or wind is happening “around” you and that one other person and it all will continue exactly as it should. Separately. It is a feeling of not thinking, but KNOWING that the pendulum of duality, of dark and light, fear and love has stopped swinging. It is that feeling, that magical stillness, that I believe we are all finding our way back to. And what a day it will be when we return…for “real.”

Merry Christmas,
– Professor of The Road

2 thoughts on “What Now? – 12/16/15

  1. AHHH the feels. You have just given me my own magnetized feeling – that I am exactly in the right place I need to be. Thank you for that.
    I hope that you can find that kernel of enchantment again, the fire inside. It’s roaring.
    Merry Christmas indeed.

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