No Future Without Decision – 11/2003

I’ve been down many times before, maybe lower
Though every time a little different, each has a constant
The memory of the past and the music that created the spark
Suddenly I’m not alive, but living
Not dead, but outside the window of time, watching
I realize a pattern and I’m no different in this place
There’s no future without decision
Hardly an insight without a vision
I’m not leaving if I’m only thinking of why I’m still here
I always say it’ll take a miracle, one beyond me
I’m the one who showed up
I can see both sides and listen
Neither one is right, but I must choose
I’m not sure which will take me further
but I’m not going anywhere now

These days I like the night more
I could lie in bed all day not missin’ a thing
feeling like shit ’cause my life is shit
and I hate myself for not looking past all of it
Well, I’m tired of feeling bad and mundane
All these stubborn fears are making me insane

So I know what to do
but I don’t know when
to consider myself prepared
to step forward onto a new road
letting go of what’s going down
till I see what I have never had
with eyes seldom used nor recognized
Maybe if I could describe in words
what I think the answer is or the question
I could realize that all I’m searching for
is a decision and a way to act on it

11/03

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